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Showing posts with label Humor And Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor And Jokes. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Definition of KISS...
Here's how the professors of different subjects define the same word (kiss) in different ways
Prof. of Algebra : Kiss is infinity because two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry : Kiss is the shortest distance between two lips.
Prof. of Physics : Kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry : Kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology : Kiss is the interchange of salivarybacteria.
Prof. of Physiology : Kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis or is muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry : Kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy : Kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Economics : Kiss is that thing for which the demand is always higher than the supply.
Prof. of Statistics : Kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.
Prof. of Philosophy : Kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English : Kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Architecture : Kiss is a process which builds a solid bond between the two dynamic objects
Prof. of Comp.Science : What is a kiss? It looks to bean undefined variable.
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Prof. of Algebra : Kiss is infinity because two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry : Kiss is the shortest distance between two lips.
Prof. of Physics : Kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry : Kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology : Kiss is the interchange of salivarybacteria.
Prof. of Physiology : Kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis or is muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry : Kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy : Kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Economics : Kiss is that thing for which the demand is always higher than the supply.
Prof. of Statistics : Kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.
Prof. of Philosophy : Kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English : Kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Architecture : Kiss is a process which builds a solid bond between the two dynamic objects
Prof. of Comp.Science : What is a kiss? It looks to bean undefined variable.
But in real what is Kiss > It is an upper preparation for a lower invasion , which leads to further penetration in fast accelaration , that will build up the next generation.
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Why INDIA is in trouble?
Population: 100 crore
9 crore retired
30 crore in state Govt
17 crore in central Govt
(Both Category don't work)
1 crore IT professional (don't work for India)
25 crore in school
1 crore r under 5 years
15 crore unemployed
1.2 crore u can find anytime in hospitals
Statistics says u find 79,99,998 people anytime in jail
The Balance two are U & Me.
U are busy " checking Mails /sending fwds.. "..!!
HOW CAN I HANDLE INDIA alone?
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9 crore retired
30 crore in state Govt
17 crore in central Govt
(Both Category don't work)
1 crore IT professional (don't work for India)
25 crore in school
1 crore r under 5 years
15 crore unemployed
1.2 crore u can find anytime in hospitals
Statistics says u find 79,99,998 people anytime in jail
The Balance two are U & Me.
U are busy " checking Mails /sending fwds.. "..!!
HOW CAN I HANDLE INDIA alone?
Great advertisements !!
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Friday, February 5, 2010
Your mirror image
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Jokes.......
Wife: Honey.... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
**********
**********
Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.
**********
Wife : Do you want dinner? Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
**********
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
**********
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
**********
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
**********
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?
" "Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
**********
**********
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
**********
**********
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?" Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: " Billionaire"
**********
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning. hahahahaha
**********
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face or my body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor.
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Tuesday, February 2, 2010
R u ready for some exercise ???????????
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Have you got a friend like this ?????
A Friend ...
Accepts you as you are.
Believes in you.
Calls you just to say "hi."
Doesn't give up on you.
Envisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts).
Forgives your mistakes.
Gives unconditionally.
Helps you.
Invites you over.
Just likes being with you.
Keeps you close at heart.
Loves you for who you are.
Makes a difference in your life.
Never judges you.
Offers support.
Picks you up.
Quiets your fears.
Raises your spirits.
Says nice things about you.
Tells you the truth when you need to hear it.
Understands you.
Values you.
Walks beside you.
X-plains things you don't understand.
Yells when you won't listen.
Zaps you back to reality.
Accepts you as you are.
Believes in you.
Calls you just to say "hi."
Doesn't give up on you.
Envisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts).
Forgives your mistakes.
Gives unconditionally.
Helps you.
Invites you over.
Just likes being with you.
Keeps you close at heart.
Loves you for who you are.
Makes a difference in your life.
Never judges you.
Offers support.
Picks you up.
Quiets your fears.
Raises your spirits.
Says nice things about you.
Tells you the truth when you need to hear it.
Understands you.
Values you.
Walks beside you.
X-plains things you don't understand.
Yells when you won't listen.
Zaps you back to reality.
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Dont sleep in class !!!!!!!
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,
Teacher :> ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good''
and Mary fell back to sleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary,
''Who is our Lord and Savior?''
But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,''
and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question,
''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?''
And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,
Teacher :> ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good''
and Mary fell back to sleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary,
''Who is our Lord and Savior?''
But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,''
and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question,
''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?''
And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.
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R u stupid ???????
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
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Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Have A Positive Attitude
1. When your boss says - "You have screwed up this module"
Smile - it means "the other modules were good"
2. When your boss says - "I am not going to let you go early today evening"
Smile - It means "you can come late tomorrow"
3. When your boss says - "Do the documentation"
Smile - it means "Relax dude, you've done enough of coding, time to give your brains a break"
4. When your boss says - "You do nothing but just surf the internet"
Smile - it means "Dude, now I know where all that knowledge comes from"
5. When your boss says - "Do you come to office to sleep?"
Smile - It means "hey buddy, why do you stress yourself? Have a good night's
sleep and come to office whenever you wish!"
6 . When your boss says - "Stop staring at that girl you moron"
Smile - it means "My wife is better than her "
7. When your boss says - "Why does nothing work on your machine?"
Smile - it means "I am thinking I could rather give you my laptop"
8. When your boss says - "Would you stop talking on your mobile phone?"
Smile - it means "Use the office phone instead"
9. When your boss says - "Why do you keep smiling always?"
Smile - it means "I love the fact that You are spreading the good will"
10. When your boss says - "YOU ARE FIRED"
SLAP HIM IN HIS FACE AND SAY - "I RESIGN"
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Smile - it means "the other modules were good"
2. When your boss says - "I am not going to let you go early today evening"
Smile - It means "you can come late tomorrow"
3. When your boss says - "Do the documentation"
Smile - it means "Relax dude, you've done enough of coding, time to give your brains a break"
4. When your boss says - "You do nothing but just surf the internet"
Smile - it means "Dude, now I know where all that knowledge comes from"
5. When your boss says - "Do you come to office to sleep?"
Smile - It means "hey buddy, why do you stress yourself? Have a good night's
sleep and come to office whenever you wish!"
6 . When your boss says - "Stop staring at that girl you moron"
Smile - it means "My wife is better than her "
7. When your boss says - "Why does nothing work on your machine?"
Smile - it means "I am thinking I could rather give you my laptop"
8. When your boss says - "Would you stop talking on your mobile phone?"
Smile - it means "Use the office phone instead"
9. When your boss says - "Why do you keep smiling always?"
Smile - it means "I love the fact that You are spreading the good will"
10. When your boss says - "YOU ARE FIRED"
SLAP HIM IN HIS FACE AND SAY - "I RESIGN"
Get Informer means To Get Informed on All Information Here. Fun, Songs, Videos, Latest Pictures, Google Ad sense, Urdu SMS, Poetry, Cricket and More. Just Keep Visiting For more Updates
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